I like tools. Always have. When I was a kid, I took things apart (and, for the most part, reassembled them successfully). So it’s no surprise that I liked Tim Allen immediately when I saw his first cable special, “Men Are Pigs” in 1991 or so. I laughed. I cried. I grunted.
I taped it and passed the tape around to all the guys in my neighborhood, and it struck the same nerve with them. Soon, we would greet each other with grunts, and communicate with those primal tonal utterances: “How’s it going?” “Aruhhhhh!”
I became a faithful viewer of “Home Improvement,” and so wished Tim would put out a line of super-powered, over-engineered Binford Tools. Alas, Binford remained a fictional entity, but he did partner with some tool manufacturers to market some power tools and hand tools, as well as some kids’ toy tools and project kits. I missed the chance to get any of the offerings while they were current.
Shortly before Christmas, during a “Home Improvement” marathon, I had a sudden urge to check eBay. Now, I’m actually the last person on Earth to purchase something from eBay — I was an eBay virgin, believe it or not. But, lo and behold, there it was: a Tim Allen Signature Ryobi cordless drill, model RRR722 (I kid you not). For a whopping six bucks.
It’s not perfect, of course. No battery, and clearly it’s been much used. But the seller threw in a charger, and a spiffy holster and belt.
And — guess what — I found a battery! On eBay, natch. I guess this is how it starts.
I have no idea if the battery will hold a charge (probably not), but at least the drill will be complete. If I can’t resurrect it, I’ll put it in a shrine.
[Later entry: the battery is pristine, looks like it’s never even been in a drill. But it’s dead as a dadgum doornail. No amount of cajoling, wiggling, or sanding the contacts could bring it back to life. Guess I’ll dig a hole and bury it.]